3 months of work.. 1 second, 1 sentence, 1 headshake, all gone. it's ok. i am fine. don't worry.
T.T
people are now working hard on their extended abstract. some thesis. some even on their slides. and i am now somehow, just at the beginning.
first, cells contamination. next, waiting for cells to be donated. then, slow cell growth. by the time my cells are growing so well, so fat, so beautiful, incubator down! no carbon dioxide supply, plus public holiday, meaning everyone living on the land under the name of Malaysia is off-duty!
new cells take time to grow. so, i try on the old cells. and, you say that may be not valid. fine. now, i have no cells to work on, and how do you expect me to get the result for the latest, newest thing you want me to try?
i know. this is research. circumstances sure happen. but, why me? why not others?
it is fated. the more i want to leave KL, the more i seem to stuck here.
the more i want to return to normal life, the more i need to wake when people prepare to sleep.
the more i want to stay strong, the more i am discouraged.
i wonder, can i graduate?
feel want to tell mum every single little thing, but she wont understand, even though she make herself sound like she know. somemore, nah... don't make her worry is more important. after all, she cant help too.
i know i can turn to friends. but everyone have their own burden, and they do not have the responsibility to listen to my little tiny thing. somemore, yea... i am bad in oral-expressing.
i realise, my Leo characteristic, is slipping away. or, maybe, i never own it.
i dont have the force to move on now. i know i have to, and need to, but i have no direction now! how can i continue my extended abstract? how i am going to do my result and discussion? how? how to start on thesis? how to start on slides?
oh.. i just feel bad.
"oh, you just think too much." yaya.. i am exaggerating.. in fact, there is no big deal.......
T.T
i just need a goodnight kiss before i hit my pillow, by daddy.. i suddenly miss him damn much!! cause in this condition, if i am at home, he will cheer me up with all his silly jokes. and i longed to sit on his lap now.
should i go to lab tomorrow to continue my work on the old cells? or should i just sit here and wait for the doomsday?
ohhh..... i am just sooooo lost!!!!!
can i just escape and go home????????!!!!!!
can i, please......................................... i beg you................................................... please.........................................................................................................
seriously, everything is making me more homesick!
i miss my home!!
and, i miss my confident.
T.T
i pray hard, crossed my fingers till my knuckles turn white, and will just do anything, for a smooth journey till the end of my research project.
oh lord, please~
please look after me~
>.<
